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Toxic love

Love was when you smiled at my clumsiness, Love was when I let it change into laughter. Love was when you decided to defend me, Love was when I let the defence change into a joke. Love was when you took me on a date, Love was when I let you order the food that I hate. Love was when you promised me the stars, Love was when I let them blind me. Love was sparks flying when you kissed me, Love was when I let the sparks burn me. Love was when you said you wanted me, Love was when I let you take me without you asking me. Love was bliss when I loved you, Love was toxic when you loved me. ~Sushmitha

Poem..?

What is a poem? Is all I can think about. How do I write it? Is all I can wonder of. From the moment I’ve read yours, From the moment I laid my eyes on your words, I believe in magic, I believe in the power of words. They told me that, A poem has to have it's words Rhyme. A poem has to sound like a clock with it’s Chime. They told me that, A poem has to have Metaphors and analogies. When life itself is a metaphor, What else can I write? Your poem, However, Questioned all that they told Right from it’s header. Your words had a flow, But they didn’t rhyme. Your words were a clock, Which didn’t chime. And yet, Yet they decided to call it poem, And I realized, The words need not rhyme, When their sentiments did. The clock need not chime, Since each second ticked.   You taught me, Metaphors and analogies Are by themselves a poem, A poem pulls them all in, By itself. You explained me that, Poem is not an arrangement ...

Emotions ~ All over again.

She looked into his eyes brimming with tears, reflecting her own eyes. But he was quick to blink them away before she could do anything. If love hurts, it pains even more. He turned around and walked away as fast as he could, running away from the bitter past just like he always did. She was braver than he was. She was ready to face her fears and confront her past. He used to be a very courageous person. It's a pity that he can't look into her eyes today. Those eyes in which he'd drown himself in. Those eyes in which he'd look and lose the count of minutes and hours. She looked at his fading figure and gave a bitter smile. She knew she made mistakes that can't be forgiven but he's not a saint either. She might be at fault, but he's not faultless either. Him turning a blind eye towards the past, she believes is the greatest reason he's suffering and in turn, she is. Both loved eachother, and if given a chance would accept in a heartbeat to get things to n...

I remember..

I remember looking at her when she used to play as a child. I remember her promises to always be happy. I remember her smile. I remember her eyes. I was always her favorite. She'd spend hours together with me sometimes. She loved me. She never told me, but I knew. Because she'd sit crying sometimes, in front of me. And I remember her promising to herself that it'd be the last time she is crying for that reason. I remember her breaking those promises and then reprimanding herself for it. I remember the feeling I got everyday when I saw her. No one else could make me feel so. The glint of happiness in her eyes made me happy and I reflected her happiness back. It's ironic. When she'd cry, I'd only wish to make her happy, but again I'd reflect her sadness back. Maybe it was because she was my emotion. Her mood decided me. I remember her nervousness when she had a presentation. She'd ask me to listen carefully and look at me, straight. Directly. I'd obe...

To Let Go

She looked into the space as her eyes filled with a fresh set of tears. They traced the path made by the previous tears as they rolled down her soft cheeks. Despite the tears, she tried to smile. It has been a long time since she actually smiled. Letting it go was actually easier than she thought. She always felt that letting go is a very difficult thing and she recently realised that she gave up without even trying. And when she finally did try, she understood one can never forget and letting go certainly didn't mean forgetting. Letting go means to forgive. Not forget. It means to forgive and let all the weight get off your heart. It means to stop crying about the things that aren't worth of present but are things of the past. Letting go doesn't mean to delete that chapter of our life, it just means ending that chapter in our life. And now, when she has cut the final tie with that chapter and concluded it, tears first started to brim in her eyes threatening to come out a...

Let Them Run

She kept running until her legs were paining, her head was spinning, with the wind flowing past her in the opposite direction. She kept running not caring about her heart racing, drops of sweat rolling down her face, neck and shoulders. As she kept running physically, her mind was running with thoughts. Innumerable thoughts. Full of choices. When her legs decided not to cooperate with her, she stopped running, hoping that her thoughts would stop running wild too. However, it didn't happen much to her disappointment. She pulled in a deep breath and forced herself to move forward. She forced herself to control the urge to stop. She forced herself to resume running. Her physical fatigue may exhaust her completely, she only wished to exhaust her thoughts. She and running shared a bond. She'd run for pleasure. She'd run for fun. She'd run for distraction. But today, it was not working. But she wasn't the one to give up. She started to run, and a gasp escaped her. Her fe...

Just Because

Just because I say bitter truths, it doesn't mean I am bitter. Just because I won't mince words, it doesn't mean I don't hesitate. Just because I call myself strong, it doesn't mean I can't be vulnerable. Just because I call myself independent, it doesn't mean I will refuse a shoulder to lean on. Just because I don't say, it doesn't mean I will never want it. Just because I'm optimistic, it doesn't mean I will not be able to feel negativity. Just because I smile all the time, it doesn't mean I don't know how to cry. Just because I don't agree with you, it doesn't mean I'm wrong.

A new self.

A new self. She was in her teens when she read a conversation between two siblings. The final meaning conveyed by it simply was that we want to keep the dying happy. But we don't know when a person is going to die. So why not keep everyone happy every minute. She was quite astonished by the raw truth. She was reminded of Dr. Suess who said that we don't understand the value of a moment until it becomes a memory. We don't value the things we have. Tears filled in her eyes. She decided that she'd keep everyone happy. Though not every second, she tried to make people happy. She was quite satisfied pleasing others. But then, they took her for granted. Then, one other day, she read another quote which said that most of the people who lived pleasing others were often unhappy. It made her introspect. She looked into herself. Was she unhappy? If all the people she loved are happy then there is no reason for her to be unhappy. But she loved herself too. Didn't she? She was...

A new coin.

A new coin. One of the phrases that she often heard is there are always two sides of a coin. Two sides of a situation. Two sides of a truth. Two sides of a point. She was always in favour of the phrase. She always used it. She always tried to implement it. She tried to put it into practice. But very soon she realised another thing. It is always easier said than done. As she grew older, she realised, that at once, one can only look at one side of a coin. Not that it is an excuse she took to when she couldn't look at the other side, but to look at the other side of the coin, one should put in efforts. Efforts like keeping their calm demeanour in a complex situation. Efforts like not losing trust in times of tests. Efforts like having faith bigger than fear. Efforts like listening to others opinion without prejudice. Efforts like understanding their point of view at a point when one can't even stand them. She was quick to realise that these efforts are not at all simple. But she...

A new journey.

A new journey. As she looked out of the window, moving past the serene beauty, she realised that she's doing the very thing she didn't like in childhood. She was a paradox in her own way. She loved being social. She enjoyed people's company. She waited for get togethers. For fun times. She was life of any party she'd attend. But if she had to travel for them. No. She wouldn't. She loved meeting new people. Knowing new traditions. Learning new things. But not traveling for them. But when she's in a journey there wouldn't be a doubt if she enjoyed. She savoured every bit of her life. She enjoyed every second of her journey. But she'd be sulking at the thought of a journey to reach a destination. It'd be the hardest decision of her life. One part, no, two thirds of her would love to go for the things she looked forward to, but the other part would be gloomy at the idea of the journey. Which part of the journey she didn't like, she never knew. Not e...

A new colour.

A new colour. She often heard people saying that people are grey. And that they should not be judged black and white. It took some time for her to realize that they were speaking about good and bad. That there are no good persons nor bad persons. Each person has their set of positives and negatives. People are different shades of grey. She completely agreed with them. They were right. No one is perfect. She was fine with the theory until now. She has a habit of going deep into things. A habit which she admired in herself. A habit which people brushed off as a show. She loves it when she thinks deep. And very deep. When she realises the other side of things. When she gets introduced to another outlook and how the whole matter would be drastically changed by a small change in the thinking process. She loved doing it. Often. Grey. Grey had filled her thoughts recently. People were grey, they said. But grey generally meant dull and gloomy. People were sad? Why compare people to grey? Th...

A new feeling.

A new feeling. She was quite sure that love is eternal. She grew up reading fantasies, romances. Starting on a wrong foot wouldn't stop her from believing in happy endings. A wrong person wouldn't stop her from finding a right person. She loved love stories. She wished to live one. She was not going to be depressed about what happened. She's not going to dwell on the past. She will live in the present. She will cherish every moment of her life. She believed in beauty. Not as in the outer beauty as defined by the society. But in inner beauty. A beauty that cannot grow old. A beauty that is eternal. A beauty she wishes to fall in love with. The beauty in sharing the last piece of a favourite chocolate. The beauty in the contagiousness of a smile. Of a laughter. The beauty in the sparkles in the eyes when people speak about their passions. The beauty in accepting the truth elegantly. The beauty in learning from failures. The beauty in yearning for cuddles from dear ones. The...

A new chapter.

A new chapter. As she looked from her balcony, at the horizon.. the sky and the earth meeting, at an impossible distance, an illusion of human eyes... She felt that it was an illusion only to the human eyes. But sometimes illusion is not a lie either. It is a truth people refuse to recognise. Refuse to accept. A glass slipped from her hands and she looked at the shattered pieces preoccupied with her own thoughts. The thoughts which she herself was confused about. As she rewinded her thoughts, she didn't understand anything. Just like you and me. She was baffled at how she let her emotions take over her. She bent down and slowly picked up the glass pieces, carefully. Drops of tears fell on each one of the pieces. Not caring to wipe them she continued to pick them up. A horizon. An illusion. The refusal. But then this time, when she looked up, she saw the sun rising from the horizon, glowing brightly as if it never set. Of course, it never set.. but it meant something else for ...